At the end of Oprah's magazine each month she has a column called "What I know for sure." Last month she listed her top 20 and asked other people for theirs'. The ones from other people are mostly stupid, or too long, or Don't Get the Point. So let's just look at Oprah's:
1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)
* Disagree. What could a person possibly put out in the universe that requires them to be kidnapped by a serial killer, raped, mutilated, and then killed? What on earth could a child put out there, that comes back in the form of death by dirty water at age 5? Ease.
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
* In. I mean, things happen to you outside your control, but you still have possession of your brain, and you get to decide how you'll perceive what's happening and how you'll respond to that. Since Victor Frankel came to this conclusion while in a concentration camp, I feel pretty comfortable agreeing.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
In.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)
In.
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
In.
6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.
In. I mean... if you believe you're a wizard, I don't think you'll turn into one. But within the laws of physics, I'm in for this one.
7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)
Not very deep, but alright, I'm in.
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
Hmm... define happiness? I'm all in for the big L -- but it won't always make you happy, except maybe in some deep-peace sorta way.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
I guess so. I mean, you don't have a choice but to try something else, non? I guess the other choice would be to give up.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.
Definitely IN.
11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.
Hmmm... hhhhhmmmmmm... well, I think intuition is based on your own experience, so how good your instincts are probably relates to how wise you are. Maybe not everyone should depend on it. ;-)
12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.
In.
13. Let passion drive your profession.
...Or your hobby. We still need garbage collectors.
14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.
We still need garbage collectors.
15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.
Uhhhh in? Is this news? Love does invite hurt, though. Cause you make yourself vulnerable to those you love. It's part of the deal.
16. Every day brings a chance to start over.
Meh.
17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.
Probably true.
18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.
In.
19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.
In. (Yoda taught me that one.)
20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)
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2 comments:
When I read such lists I sometimes apply my context test... Like, how would this "sage" advice fit if I was something other than a middle/upper class folk living in one of the richest societies in the history of earth?
"You define your own life..."
Easier for Oprah to believe than say a destitute mother with AIDS in Darfur with 6 hungry kids...(and let's not pretend she could have avoided getting pregnant in the culture she lives in - married young with no choice, where men don't wear condoms and consider it macho to sex-around... etc. ) Hey! I'm just saying...
and so on...
I think only us richy-riches make lists like this. Others are too busy trying to keep their heads above water...
Wow - what a "Bah-Humbuger!" ;-)
Well that's why I said--if she means it in the Victor Frankl way, then I can agree. Even within a constrained situation you have SOME sort of choice as to how you will respond to hardship etc.
(From the wicki summary of Man's Search for Meaning: Frankl concludes that the meaning of life is found in every moment of living; life never ceases to have meaning, even in suffering and death. In a group therapy session during a mass fast inflicted on the camp's inmates trying to protect an anonymous fellow inmate from fatal retribution by authorities, Frankl offered the thought that for everyone in a dire condition there is someone looking down, a friend, family member, or even God, who would expect not to be disappointed. Frankl concludes from his experience that a prisoner's psychological reactions are not solely the result of the conditions of his life, but also from the freedom of choice he always has even in severe suffering. The inner hold a prisoner has on his spiritual self relies on having a faith in the future, and that once a prisoner loses that faith, he is doomed.)
The novel A Fine Balance (which is fanTASTic by the way) sort of deals with this. It's about 4 characters in 1970s India, and to a couple of them every worst possible thing happens to them. Step by step you see things get worse and worse, but at the end they still have the same sort of hope and spirit they had in the beginning; whereas their middle class friend just can't handle what's happened to them, and falls apart. Sigh--SO good.
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